Wednesday, June 18, 2008

"It"

"Your sister tried for years and she hasn't done 'it'." The words haunt me. Mock me. Subtly assuring me that I was right all along. I don't measure up. I will never be as good as them.
It doesn't matter that I spent four years studying "it". It doesn't matter that I did "it" as an internship. It doesn't matter that I received scholarship for "it"... twice. All that matters is that she my sister tried "it" and is still struggling to make "it" work.

The unspoken message screams at me. Asking what makes me think I can be successful at "it" if she hasn't? It obtrusively insinuates, no flat out states that she is better than I am and, in the process, stomps on any hope of ever measuring up.

They were only spoken once, but those words still Inger. Whispering doubt. Laughing at me for wasting four years of my time. Shaming me for wasting my money and theirs. Snickering behind my back at any attempt to prove them wrong.

And I realise that the voice is right. If I allow one carelessly spoken statement to hold me back from "it", then how was I ever foolish enough to think that I could make a dream come true?

1 comment:

  1. Joy,
    I don't know what the "it" is.
    But I hear what you are saying here.
    I feel this.
    HOw those few words spoken, how they can shape us and even come to limit us.
    Whatever you want, move towards, go after, risk, love, I see you.
    And I am here to celebrate you, as you are, in each and every moment of unfolding.
    love you,
    Faith

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