I had a break through today. Though that phrasing makes it sound way more dramatic than it actually is. Perhaps a nudge through would be a better description. It is a realization that has been floating on the edges of my mind. A lesson that God has been trying to get me grasp for who knows how long.
The majorty of my issues and/or sins come down to a failure to grasp the promise in 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficiant for you. My power is made perfect in weakness." My entire life I have been told I expect to much of people. I have a very hard time loving people with out expecting something from them. I know this. It is a struggle I have had since child hood. I am afraid that if I pour into some one else with out knowing they can pour into me I will some how be left empty. It is selfish I know. My sin is in trusting other sinfull fallen saints to meet a need only God can. If I love as God has called me to, then His grace will overflow in my life.
Another area I strugle with is finances. I have such a hard time seaking God in that area becuase I am afraid He will call me to give more than I am comftorable with. I have put my trust in my savings acount and not in God's grace. I actually feel kinda stupid. He has proven himself over and over in this area and yet I have a hard time beliving.
How limited my life will be if I am only willing to give my time, my money, my love, my gifts if I am assured that I or some other humane can replenish them. About a month ago I was really strugling with this concept. "If God's grace is sufficiant then why do I feel so empty?" I wondered out loud to my best friend. She asked if I was truely seeking God's will, or if I was running head first at what I thought I should be doing and expecting God's grace to catch up with me. See God's grace is sufficiant to fulfill HIS plans for us. Epshians 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
God's grace is sufficiant for the work He has for us to do. And the only way to tell the difference is to desperately seek Him. The only way to know God's will is to know Him. It is such a simple thought and yet one I struggle so much to grasp. I feel so sorry because of the opportunities I have missed and the people I have hurt becuase I haven't had the faith to trust His suffiancy. I am also overwhelming greatefully for the people in my life who has paitently sat there and pointed out the truth, even when I didn't want to see it. Thank you.
And now I am left with a choice. Will I seek God's will and accept His grace. Or will I continue to run ahead hoping grace will find me and blaming God when it doesn't?