I overbooked today. Way over booked. I booked walking with a friend at 9:30, a birthday party with the kids at 11:00 and another one at 5:00.
I had insomnia last night a long with my daughter, apparently (they stay with my in laws on Friday nights). I canceled walking this morning because I didn't sleep last night and had hardly been home all week so my house was a mess and the birthday gifts were not yet made. We made it to the first party... two and a half hours late. Despite writing down 11:00 am on ALL THREE calendars I some how got it in my mind it was at 1:00 pm. Even if I had been right about that we still didn't show up until 1:30. We went to a friends house afterwards because I didn't want to drive all the way back to our house only to drive out to the second party. Twenty minutes at my friends house told me all I needed to know about the rest of the day. There was no way we were going to make it to the second party. The kids were tired, ready to be home, and in desperate need of real food.
So now I am sitting at home surrounded by a hugely messy house and dealing with the guilt of having to break plans three times in one day due to my poor planning. My intentions aren't good enough any more, not if I keep failing to follow through.
A week of meal planning with only one meal cooked.
A to do list with nothing checked off.
Plans made and broken.
Home one week from being away and feeling as exhausted and drained as when I left, if not more so.
It's time to sit down and figure out what matters. What really matters, and weed out all the rest. Time to stream line and cut out the junk so I am better equipped to deal with the real stuff.
I know it's not about turning my life upside down, but rather making small choices that will affect the bigger out come. My first reaction when I got home today was to pull out a Starbucks mocha drink out of the fridge to wake me up and grab a cupcake off the counter to hold me over till dinner. But then I thought about how silly I would feel writing this post about changes and doing the same old same old.
So instead I poured a tall glass of water, cute up a cucumber and I am planning on an early bed time to make up for last night's lack of sleep. It may not change the world. But maybe some small changes will change how I see and interact with the world.